Saturday Ponderings

i've slowly inched my way back to sanity. have i, really?

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the labyrinth has been beaten. has it, really?

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a new wall blocks me. where do i go now? as the gold liquid slowly but surely sips away all my sorrow, i think i see a small crack on it's foreboding face.

the flowers break into song. lovely melody tonight. i think i might just sit by this wall and let the serenade lull me to sleep.

Wednesday Ponderings

sometimes i feel like i am getting tired of living inside my head. i'm getting sick of that inner voice. lately, i'm getting sick of myself.

--

i need a jolt. i need a reckoning. i need a kick.

-

i think the walls are talking to me. and the paintings too. 

--

help.

Tuesday Ponderings

2 of my closest friends are moving to Cebu. sigh. i wish them well.

i would seriously want to go too, if i wasn't studying...

--

i went out over the week ends. i went bar hopping with my becky posse. i don't know if this is a good or a bad thing but there are so many young 'uns like us. it's like the pink virus has spread and there's no stopping it.

beauty abounds.

temptation too.

--

a lamp sits by the window. its light, sputtering. it used to be the brightest of all the colors. now, it can't even find the the base of the spectrum. it's staring out the window...thinking...my light still has some spark. so it sets its heart to go get a new bulb. 


if only the meddlesome socket would let it go. but where would it go without the juice that it needs to live?

Monday Ponderings

i felt a rumbling a while ago. the tremors are reaching even our shores. i get a bad feeling in my stomach thinking about the "what ifs"?

how ready are we for the big thing? god forbid. we are already messed up as it is.

--

somehow, the tragedy gave me a shift of perspective. all the things i've been beating myself up over, all the hate i've been throwing at this guy, all the games i've been playing, all my selfishness and pride - all those things do not matter anymore. they are but trivialities.

it's all just whining.

what is that compared to those whose problems are way bigger? those who did not have a CHOICE?

i can always choose to be happy, but the poor people in that prefecture can not "will" the ocean to ebb.

--

on the lighter side of things:
i went out and saw ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal last Saturday. it was a riot. not as polished as i want it to be, but i noticed that they've updated some of the jokes (ex, about Sharon C.). Eula is as kickass and as funny as ever. and still smokin' hot even at the age of 42! the new Didi (not the Yakult guy), is effective enough (although not as much as the original one). and to stage this during a period when there is no big competition is a smart move. im pretty sure the The Tanghalan racked in the dough.

i just thought the only bad decision they made was to cast Rocky Salumbides. this guy is scrumptious from head to toe. he has all the curves in all the darn places there should be some (ha!). but he CAN.NOT.SING!  maybe not even if it is to save his own life. i mean, the original Dodong was not expected to be Pavarotti, but at least he can carry a tune. Rocky on the other hand, murdered the two set pieces given to him. it would have been passable if he is just a minor character...but he is the damn male lead!
arg! Eula, girl, your vocals can move mountains, but don't force your boyfriend into our pitiful ears - no matter how hot he is!

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on the drunken side of things:
we had a drunken night at Malate (surprise, surprise! how redundant of us! ha!). you know that feeling when you are in between tipsy and totally smashed. you know...the g-spot of drinking? well he's my best friend now. lol.

Mad Strings 10: The Reverb

two weeks after the silent storm and i found myself on a shore. i'm not sure where this is, but this new land i'm trekking seems pristine, yet it echoes of familiarity. i suddenly have this surge of energy. "walk, Advent.", it prodded." just walk". and so i skimmed the coastline. the beach looks promising, but the forest over yonder glow like tiger eyes. and i caught myself, smiling in mid leap.


have i told you about my knack for wrestling tigers? no? ok, then. here we go...

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do you have this predisposition to always fall for the wrong person? join the club. somehow, someway, i always get those who are: in relationships, just got out of a relationship, can't get over a relationship...bah! i already checked the mirror several times. do i have a look that scream: come get me, you dick baits?! di naman. do i have a magnetic effect to these tortured souls? do i scream: "sanctuary! come hither!" masokista ba ko? baka.

--

i have not experienced the "joys" of having a hangover. ever. seriously. when my friends and i go out for a bacchanalian night and i go drink 'til we get so smashed it's not even funny, the next day, i'm fine while all my silly friends are nursing a throbbing head (yung sa taas).

i guess my body is just "engineered" that way.

so here i am several weeks later, back to my cheery 'ol self. i bounce back easily. too easily in fact, i think it's kinda eerie. correlation to my lack of hangovers? maybe.

or maybe i just have a very efficient defense mechanism.(hmm...a topic for another post. pwede.)

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for all its worth, Happy EDSA revolution day. or whatever the holiday is called. we have come a long way from the ways of old, but somehow not far enough. change comes not from the government and who sits on the chair of power. do i want to contribute? well, hell yeah! but have i done anything for the society? let me get back to you on that.

Born This Way

This could have been the new anthem...

if only, it didn't sound like....

hay.

Schisms Tres

alone.

indebted.

indifferent.

bound.

--

time for a change. 

ready for the heat

Schisms 2

enough of the dreary news, time to switch it up a bit.

in other news...

my family just had a reunion. we hail from the hometown of the first parliament, Cavite.

it was a blast. the last time i was in Cavite was over a decade ago. back then, i was a confused little boy. haha. it was such a breath of fresh air being able to spend time with people who love you for who you are and not what you want them to love you as. it was crazy/fun. Water Park in Kawit is worth checking out. oh, just don't mind the construction going on. the place is pricy, but it's worth it. plus it's Josephine's. you can not go wrong with their food.

--

we spent a night at the resort. actually this is more of just a primer for a bigger party this coming Saturday. my lola has reached the veritable age of 85 and there's going to be a grand celebration. this middle of the week tryst at the Water Park is just R and R for the immediate family. intimate, i guess is the best word.

the next day we headed out to explore the rest of the city. we checked up on one of the houses we were having renovated for leasing. anyone from Cavite here? do me a favor and answer this: would you know the going rate for leasing houses? i'm trying to find a sweet spot on how much to charge tenants. it's a bungalow type of house, 200 sq. m with a two car garage. i know, Cavite before was a second rate city, but nowadays, it's fast becoming a boom town.

--

oh and we soaked up on some bit of history along the way as well. we went to aguinaldo's mansio...i mean house. man, i didn't know that this guy was loaded! damn, his house is way too old-world-fancy. i loved it! if i'm going to fashion my dream house, it's going to be contemporary minimalist mixed with old school architectural sensibilities.

damn, this house is old!

this hallway had it coming.
pose-friendly hallways,
watch out! haha.

ridiculously huge house, complete with a
bell tower!

love, love, love, the old world
furnitures. would love to have a
house like this.

--

This way to Narnia.
Click to enlarge.

--

i learned something new about my sister R, on this trip. she told me that she had a fascination of hidden passages. i remember, all those years back, while we were growing up, we always played Narnia-esque, The Secret Garden-like make-believe games. guided tours are for squares! we broke off from the group and did a little exploring of our own.

Sneaking around the old house
=
guilt filled fun

the creepy, psycho ward-like
room.

sneaking...sneaking...sneaking.
gotta get proof. hehe

this is a shot of the highest window
in the house. can you believe this
house has 7 floors? crazy!

Lara Croft, pinoy style. hehe.

--

getting a dose of history was a welcome experience. it put things into perspective. to me, things that may appear dire now, may just be a mere echo in the future. and that echo may actually lead you to something greater. i've learned to see my life in another light.

--

i love my family to bits! :)

Schisms 1

so i manned up. i took the plunge. i told him all i felt. well, almost all. i didn't want him to think i'm bordering on obsession.

the result?

major fail.

this guy i was so head over heels in "love" with, turns out to be a major dick bait. he gave me all these signals. heck, he even went out with me on 3 dates. things went down. feelings...pants...everything.

and what do i find out?

he just hooked up again with his ex over the weekend.

--

dick baits abound nowadays. i should know...i've been one. damn hurts pala to be on the receiving end. karma, much?

--

so i wore my heart out on my sleeve and this is what i get.

--

at this point in the game...i've learned the art of ambivalence. yeah. i cry. but only on the inside. 

boohoos while the world's smallest violin plays. (haha! whoever can tell me where this line came from gets a special cookie!)

and then i smile because i knew for a fact that i tried. i'm one of those guys who's all about the journey, not the destination. and boy, was the ride good, and the view, scenic.

--

oh well. next! here i go again. i wonder what does life have in store for me?

==

a mega post coming up. oh and enough about dicks. haha. time for some introspection and other matters. not everything is about the heart, right?

see ya.

Dangerous Times

and here i was going into my so called austerity measures. i've been a taxi rider for the past 4 years. i know no other means of transportation. that was until i've learned that mofo taxi cabs are raising the flag down AS WELL AS the per kilometer fare. doing the math, i would be spending 450 pesos per day on transportation alone. considering i am a bottomless pit of hunger, i would spend 300 pesos at least on food. and that is on a "i don't feel like eating" day.

damn.

so i decided to swallow my elitist pride and decided to take on buses. yes, those same behemoths that i curse because of their reckless abandon on the road. lo and behold, i got to know aircon buses. new ones at that! with fancy seats, flat screen tvs, surround sound system. the works. this other day, i got on one that was showing a movie that is yet to be shown in cinemas. damn! what rock have i been sleeping under? ha.

---

so i had been on this discipline thing for 2 weeks now. i realized, i've been saving a lot. who knows, i might just be able to get that car of my dreams this year if i keep this up.

---

and then tragedy.

if countries have a face, the Philippines would be so covered in sooth and grime, even it's own mother would be aghast to look at it.

i feel for the family of the victims of this violence. they who were going about their lives, ordinary, helpless, no beef with the terrorists.

why does this kind of evil exist?

and i don't see the logic that form in their twisted heads. they have a vendetta with the government, yet they prey on the hapless citizens. why not just go straight to the root of their war? bomb the f* out of each other! let them throw their volley of explosives against those in power, the moneyed, landed gentry, the military. let them snuff each other out. that way, they help the country...terrorists and crocodiles end up in flames.

---

let's pray not only for the victims, but also for this country. 

Imbalance

am i really not meant to be in a relationship? i've been trying for the past few months and all i get are blanks. i have this one good shot with someone, but i am not even sure where we are going.

--

the phase of hooking up and getting-to-know-yous is like coming home after doing your groceries. you unpack your paper bags and you sift through the choices. you put one or two in your UHM shelf. another, you put in your MAYBE NOT storage. and three in the OH HELL NO bin. and then after everything, you find that one special person you put in your CAN BE shelf. this shelf you reserve for someone who embodies everything you admire and yearn for. someone who makes you think of the possibilities.

i've been staring at the shelf for quite some time now. and it's taking a toll on me. 

--

i've always been a romantic-realist. yes, i go through the motions of courting. i'm old school, what can i say? i prefer the slow simmer, cooked to perfection relationship. i can muster an unbelievable amount of patience and determination. in the end, i always get what i want.

--

chivalry or selfishness?

--

dear you,

i write this letter to tell you things. things i can not tell you in person. i'd like to tell you how much you rock the very core of my being. how you always turn my dull and dreary days around. how you speak, and my heart jumps in anticipation.

i don't normally go for guys like you, but you have this indescribable pull. i am drawn and i can not pull out of your orbit.

you know what time of day i hate the most? it's the time to go home. because that's when i would have to go back to my soliloquies and pondering of when we'll finally have that chance.

chance. what if i never met you? what if you did not step into the world i live in? what if i never saw your face? maybe i wouldn't be this pained. maybe i wouldn't be this unabashedly in fervor. maybe i wouldn't be yearning for the elusive.

i could spare myself a lot and yet, i wouldn't feel as alive as i do so now. 

xoxo,

advent

Shifting Signs

people can't get over their new zodiac signs. I, on the other hand, welcome this shift in a positive light. I am now an Ophiuchus, the Serpent Bearer. How astronomically cool is that?


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This is the Zodiac as some astrologers believe it should be:

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

--


poor Scorpios. 6 days of the year. haha.


--

Characteristics of an Ophiuchus:

Interpreter of dreams, vivid premonitions

Attracts good luck and fruitful blessings

Serpent holder, lofty ideals

Seeker of peace and harmony

Doctor of medicine or science, natural-pathic

Adds, increases, joins, or gathers together


--


this is going to be an interesting year, indeed.

The Stars Say

that this is the year of the metal rabbit.

--

in tagalog: taon ng mga matitigas at makakating kuneho.

--

so, the question is...is this your year? haha.

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HAPPY 2011 everyone!