Saturday, August 7, 2010

T.B.L. Vol. 2: Trust and Guns

T.B.L. stand for The Becklette Lessons. i would like to define becklette as a becky who is of the age of innocence (or lack thereof). anywhere between teen to early 20s. i want to impart knowledge to my brethren who are of the younger set. there are so many of them out there.

if you do not fall within this age range anymore, you have to admit, you were a becklette once. didn't we, at one point in our lives, say this: i wish i knew then what i know now? some of us grow older, but never grow up. maybe, just maybe, this could still help.

lesson #5: the timeline

as we are going through the becklette stage of our lives, we are afflicted with what i would like to call Temporalis Delusionis - the general lack of perception of time. a relationship built up in a fortnight (read: 2 weeks) is deemed valid and consummate, and a month is considered an eternity. what makes it more intriguing is when asked, the 2 weeks (or the 1 month) mentioned above is in reality a date or two over the weekends. 

let's put it in to perspective shall we? here is a very common case: a becklette relationship that claims to be in its 3rd month. wow, at first you are impressed. you go: "in becky years kasi that is times 2 because it's harder to maintain than heterosexual relationships" (i love becky logic!). now ask the lovely couple: ilang beses na kayo nagkikita, yung totoo? faced with this question, you'd be surprised that the so-called 3 months are actually, seeing each other over the weekends to watch a movie, go on a "date" of sorts and then going to their separate homes. let's do the math. let's be on the generous side, let's say they really dedicate the weekends to each other. Saturday and Sunday equals 2 days. 2 days multiplied by 4 (weeks in month), multiplied by 3 (actual duration). 24 days! realize that, we were generous here thinking that you spent both days of the weekend together. that's not even a month! that would be cut in half if they only saw each other once a week. 

and yet, there are so many becklettes or thunderbecks (coined by soltero! yeh boy!) out there who beat themselves up saying: "am i cursed? how come i never get past (insert length of time here) with anyone?"

maghunusdili ka! as you will (and should) realize down the line: you could never, ever get to know the totality of someone even after spending a lifetime (read: several years).

on the flipside, here's how you should look at it. do away with counting! you can make every moment count. the moment you start counting, you are just trying to validate the belief that you can make a relationship last. if you were sure about the guy in the first place, would there be a need to count?

which brings me to...

lesson #6: trust issues

remember this saying: "love is like giving someone a gun, having them point it at your heart and trusting them to never pull the trigger"?

my dear becklette, lemme say this: bullshit! in a becky relationship assuming you get past the honeymoon, ligawan, malanding kilig phase, either one of you is bound to cheat. there goes never!

that is a sordid reality. i'm sorry if this is a bitter pill to swallow. but you have to live in the reality we face today. if i may rephrase the saying:  love is like giving someone a gun, having them point it at your heart and expecting them to pull the trigger. when that happens, draw from that strength within you to heal, survive and wipe off the blood stains on the floor. 

ang haba no? but lengthy and more apt to our line of business. the love in our world is measured by the event AFTER the cheating. part of love is forgiving. let's say you found out he cheated, do you still have that capability to forgive? then tabula rasa. then by some god knows what reason, you cheat, does he have the capability to forgive? then tabula rasa. if at one point, the capability to overcome and forgive is already diminished, then part ways.

a simple excel equation (equation na naman?): IF "love" > "anger and pain", THEN "save relationship". IF "anger and pain" > "love", THEN "escape before you go crazy with plans of retribution!!!".

if i knew back then this simple equation, then it would have spared me and my partners, the waterworks. but then again, what would life be without the stories worthy of being aired on "Maalaala Mo Kaya"?

do not lose hope though, young one. the heart is made of a rare material that can withstand apocalyptic disasters. it is the one thing that makes us humans transcend. for every lashing you get scars. but the scars make you stronger. wear it proud! and do not be afraid to take more.

think of it this way: you survive ordeals and they change you for the better. you are not the same person than when you first started. you are more resilient and you have more capacity to love. so in effect, you make the next person you love a very lucky individual. he benefits from that wealth of wisdom. and it pays forward. i believe the most ideal love stems from a relationship where both parties are already "war veterans". if only both know how to make use of their medals.

lesson #7: pain and how it's related to the penis

pain is temporary. cliche. 

however, becklettes who dwell on pain several months after the fact, are not really in pain. what they are experiencing is a fate that most becklettes deny: they are stroking their bruised egos.

more often than not, the languishing pain is not really of a broken heart but of wounded pride. pride is the sin most becklette have an overabundance of.

at this point in my life, i've come to a zen like state of defeating the pride monster. for me, it's more of ok, the pain felt for the first few hours is real, anything afterwards is self inflicted pride-stroking. and why waste time?

pride is like the penis. we love showing it off. but if somebody injures it, shames it, we resort to jacking off til the time we want to show it off again.chow's that for a non-cliche? lol.

young one, it's ok to have your pride. but damn, keep it in check! do not let it control your life. just swallow it down. your experience, harrowing as it is, is a stepping stone to your next adventure.

to end this dialog, sing a little ditty.

Love, Hope, Sanity are onboard a bus 
destination: Moving On. 
but the bus isn't moving because one seat is still empty
Love asked, who are we waiting for?

we're waiting for Ego.
we can't leave without him
we can't live without him

but where is Ego?
oh he's in his room,
black and blue, looking out the window

let's all wait for Ego.
we can't leave without him
we can't live without him


have a great weekend, you bruised monsters!


Désolé Boy said...

alright, you had me here:

"what they are experiencing is a fate that most becklettes deny: they are stroking their bruised egos."

am a Becklette, damn it!!

Jedd said...

This is one of the most depressing posts I've ever read hehe. Maybe it's the overwhelming dose of bitterness chucked in there while dispensing these 'truths', which I think aren't entirely fair :)

Let's say a couple are only able to see each other on weekends. Don't the 5 days in between of endless sweet message exhanges, hogging the house phone, the yearning, the wondering what he could be doing at this moment, even the idle minutes doodling his name on your notebook while waiting for the bell, the planning and looking forward to Fridays count as part of the relationship and its timeline? I'd like to say so

Time Delusion doesn't have anything to do with age anyway. It happens to everyone who falls in love, when that somebody 'slows time' because you're soaking up all the experiences you have with him, and you're savoring everything because it all seems so new. Its just bad on beckies because these kids keep on falling in love all the fucking time.

Of trust issues naman, young beckies, you don't have to hand your man a gun in the first place. Don't fall for a man out of a weak need for fulfillment and all that you-complete-me bullshit. You are happy and satisfied on your own. You have a promising career you love, your family adores you, you hangout with your cute posse, you look fabulous but boy, wouldn't that cute dude in the glasses make for nice icing on all this cake... So that when he does happen to break your heart, there's pain but it feels nothing close to homicide.

There's really nothing wrong with heartbreaks at young ages. Pride issues, trust, guns, penises. Part lang ng journey yun so don't fear it. What's troubling is if you let them eat you up and turn you into a grumpy, old cynic.

(Which in no way means I'm referring to A.C. at all, ano, thank you very much. I think he's mighty fine)

Advent said...

@desole boy:
another satisfied customer. :)

i really appreciate your POV on this. and thank you for emphasizing that i am not a grumpy, old cynic. haha. i just happen to be passionately opinionated on such matters. however, to your credit, i read my post again. i realized, it was just that one side of me talking. i forgot to let the romantic realist have a say. because of that, i've added a few lines that balance the acrid tone. hopefully, it carries my message better now. thank you, my good sir.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

with my friends who moan about how their other half are being infidels, i always say:

"if you can't stand it, then call it quits."

ganun lang ka-simple