How Much?

my close friend and i were talking about guys who go for sugar gay benefactors. we know they exist. we might even know one. but we've always said negative things about them at one point or another. i got into thinking, are we just sour graping? when it comes to worldly things, how strong is your resolve to resist and say "no, thanks"?

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i remember meeting a client at work before. he was this big, burly effeminate Puerto Rican. try picturing Carrot Top, but Latino. and extra fabulous! at first he was just nice to me. and not that i was naive, but i initially wallowed in the generosity. generosity blossomed into going for fancier things, like high end restaurants, gifts and what-nots. i wouldn't do him justice if i claimed innocence in what's happening. i was aware of where it was heading, but i chose to tag along for the ride because...it felt good.

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all these years past and i remember how liberating it was, and yet it was so dirty at the same time. i had the world at my beckon. and yet, it wasn't what i really wanted.

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something to remember when you get the urge to wallow in the hedonism: eventually people will get hurt. it's not a matter of if, but when. at that time, i knew that i chose to hurt him.

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we are a product of our mistakes. and while i acknowledge that they were blunders, i prefer not to regret my choice. yes, at one point, i was this really ugly person.

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we go through life, carrying scars. wounds of past mistakes. we always search for that one person who can look at us, scabs and all, and think "you are the most wonderful thing i have ever seen in my life". some of us end up lucky and find him, but most of us...well, we end up with someone who is just as scarred, if not more, as we are. the question now is, can you take his "ugly" as he takes yours?

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sunday thoughts. mind reeling from driving through the crazy edsa traffic.

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a simple wish: let this week give your character more value, no matter how incremental.

Unfolding Packages

there is something about depressing christmas songs that makes me fancy them more than the cheerful ones.

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i've been spending a lot of time lurking in twitter lately. more like a curiosity observer. i can't believe how many horny dudes are out there. i guess it's easier for today's generation to answer that carnal craving - they have all these avenues. back in my day, you have to really go out there. now, all they do is type something in, wait for a response, and viola! instant companion for the night!

i never add these guys, nor reply to any of their tweets. there is comfort in watching from afar. just like watching animals behind the glass cages at the zoo. or in twitter terms: i create lists. i have to admit, i am more drawn to the local hornbags than the foreign ones. saying horny words in tagalog, i guess, makes it raunchier. hehe.

here's my menagerie of horny twitter dude archetypes:

curiosity #1 - guys who post headless shots
freaky. yes i know, you have a torso, cut like adonis. and yes i know you want to streak it online but why don't you have the balls (pun intended) to show your face?

curiosity #2 - boohoo-notice-me guys
one example is this guy with a half body shot (yes, including his handsome face). just from the picture alone, you can tell that he has: 1. gone to the shower, 2. freshened up, 3. applied a moisturizer/toner/whatever. oh, and then he captions the picture: TIRED or HAGGARD - exactly the opposite thing. i get your game, mr. conceited. you just want to get comments from your denizens of horny fans saying "no, you're not. you're so cute kaya!". no cookie for you, here's my virtual eye-roll.

curiosity #3 - the horny goat seekers
those who post their most seductive looking poses (the more bulges, the better), then go around talking dirty to anyone who would pass by his account, showering him with adulation. a virtual carinderia. sometimes, the food on display is enticing, but sometimes, it's just plain dirty.

curiosity #4 -RT-ers
their walls are flooded with retweets from porn accounts. you could really see what type of kink are turn-ons for these guys. are they twink lovers? bear huggers? daddies? fetishists? the list is endless. thanks for the material. they're, uhm, handy... ;)

there are more out there waiting to be discovered.

just out of curiosity, add me: madstrung

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today is a Saturday. this week breezed by so fast and yet i still have a lot of things left to do in the office. but hey, it's the freaking weekend.

im looking forward to spending quality time with the ones i love.

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happy weekend, you hornbag!

Inspiration...(ode to DarkWinter)

a muse came up to me through FB and asked why i haven't been putting my pen to (digital) paper as of late. a sort of blogging existential question.

i've been lurking the blogosphere more as a reveleR of blogger trainwrecks trying to carve out a niche in the internet universe. and damn, there are boatloads of 'em. concocting all sorts of gimmicks just to pass of as "interesting". and no, i am not washing my hands, because at one point in my misguided youth, i had the fame dream as well. but alas, for every bryanboy that catapults into the stratosphere, 1 million misfires fAll back to earth.

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nevertheless, i am back.

i will write for me.

My goal is simple. that if the world would end on 12/21 (or in a billion yearS time, give or take a few million), i would, at the very lEast, make a ripple in the ocean of human collective memory. that my words would burrow into someone else's mind and blossom. that i can reach at least a few to let them know that my Story existed.


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madstringsmanifesto version 4* , now strumming.


*i skipped v3 for no apparent reason.

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Epilogue:

darkwinter came at a time when i was a wide-eyed deer hit by an oncoming truck, left alone dying on the road. she held her hand out, and i took it. i got back up on my feet and did not look back ever since. she's like shiva, smiting down an old world to give way for a new one.

darkwinter dear,

time has changed both our faces. but it will never change what's inside of us: the passion to write.

forever your admirer,
madstrings