Movie Marathon 4

i have a fascination for foreign pink movies. the treatment, the settings, the social acceptance, may all be different, but the love is universal. thanks to the wonders of the internet (aka, torrents) i have a new one almost every other day. i will be putting up these movies. good or bad overall, for me they serve as a window. there's a whole wide world out there. we just need to open our eyes to the possibilities.

Author: Spleen


Another writer put his(?) finger on what had been bugging me: Steven and John really have nothing in common, apart from the fact that they're both gay; and it's not as if two people of opposite sexes both being heterosexual is enough to create a spark. (Ah, if only.) -Sure, they're both typically randy seventeen-year-olds; but we're told that THIS relationship, unlike Steven's furtive sexual encounters and John's mechanical fling with an underwear model, is special. Really? I would have liked to have SEEN the relationship - the actual, first-order relationship, not just John and Steven's second-order talk about it.

This brings me to the main reason I found "Get Real" hard to enjoy: it seems to consist entirely of painfully protracted, hesitant, fumbling, conversations in which neither side has any idea what he or she wants to talk about. When Steven first meets John - when he first meets ANYONE - it seems that all he can do is um and ah and look at the ground. -Realistic? Perhaps, but it just goes to show how little realism is worth, if it means we have to sit through one slow, awkward scene after another for 110 minutes. For this reason I wasn't so bothered by the speech at the end. That was awkward, too; but at least it showed that Steven had managed to string words together into coherent and reasonably fluent paragraphs. About time.

I'm reminded of the (few) films I've seen about the social ostracising of gays, like "The Sum of Us" and "Boys Don't Cry"; they, too, have colourless, under-defined central characters and relationships. If the central romance is heterosexual, writers feel the need to create some kind of special something to make it interesting to outsiders; if it's homosexual, that fact alone is felt to be enough. -This is less true of the romance in "Boys Don't Cry". But then, that relationship isn't really gay.

--


for me, the movie has its moments. i probably would have appreciated it more if i'd seen it 10 years ago, back when i was still a teenager struggling for an identity. but seeing it now, it's more fluff than substance. nonetheless, there are still golden moments. 


i would have given it an 8 out of 10 ten years ago but factoring in the onset of age (and hopefully, wisdom) i'm giving it a 6 out of 10.  hehe

I Can See Right Through You

i have never been simplE. i've always been a hexagonal stick in a hive of square holes. there are more facets to me that you can not just peg. 

have you ever felt instances in your professional life where you see the top but something intangible prevents you from moving further uP? to some, this is called the glass ceiling. the truth is it does not apply only for women. it applies to people of the rainbow flag. people like me or (maybe) you.

thank god that in this company i am now working for, diversity is like the air we breathE. this post is more of an ode to that sad reality for most of my brethren -working for corporations where they are forced to keep their inner selves from coming out in the open. i've been there. by some sheer stroke of luck and an ounce of perseverence i did not stay long. i can not begin to imagine how difficult it is for them who remain. i can't help but contrast how good i got it where i work. i am grateful to be able to thrive in the corporate world, keep my truth, and still be respected for it.

look! birdies!

--

in my first foray into this strange world called work, i started with a multinational financial institutioN. 'the world's local bank' is their slogan. i worked in the Madrigal branch (read: Ayala, Alabang). the first day i stepped into the premises, i thought to myself, i'm fucked. of all the branches i would be assigned in, i got assigned to one with a workforce of 90% straight burly males! from the manager, to the teller/cashiers, to new accounts and of course to the -ers (manong janit-ers, deliv-er-y boys, secu-er-ity guards). we had 3 girls who were assigned to the premier accounts so we don't really get to interact with them as much.

if i'm not with friends, i can camouflage well enough to waylay the unsuspecting crowD. note that i don't have illusions that i may not be obvious, i just know myself well enough. i am not blatant when i'm not comfortable with the people around me. i'm just plain bored so i don't express myself as much. i blend in. i wash out. and that they mistake for being, ahem, straight. 

lunch breaks (or any other break) are really awkwarD. all they talk about are girls, basketball, getting more girls, girls in porn, knocking up a girl, video games and cars. i can relate with the last 2 because i've always been a videogame fanatic and cars are my fascination. but the rest, oh dear lord. 

they keep asking me to bring my "girlfriend" over sometime to get to know heR. i told them i don't have a girlfriend. which no one believes, all thanks to my classmate/then-best friend (who happened to look like a pin up model), dropped by the branch one time to pick me up to hang out in Alabang Town Center. like salivating dogs teased with the prospect of a juicy steak, they never got over it. as much as i didn't know what to do about it, i decided to just go along with the flow. that was way before i learned what the gay term "beard" meant.

as the days pass by, i found the groove in keeping up the facadE. it become a routine for me. that was the point in my life when i thought, 'hey, i could do this.'

but alas, life has a sense of humoR. it would have been easy if you are swimming in a sea of average looking men. what made it difficult was i had a really attractive colleague. i still remember his name. bernard. just the name sends me into that kilig moment. ha! he's tisoy (my type of guy), 5'10, beefy with that devil may care smile that can drop panties at will (at least what the girls say). oh did i mention, he smells so good? not that i smell him when he has his back turned to me. i'm macho too, remember? true story!

he was promoted to assistant manager not because of his credentials or capability (haha, bitter much?) but because he looks so good in a monkey suit, the haughty clients always ask for hiM.

there was this one instance though where i got turned off big timE. it was when the discussion revolved around a teller applicant. he recommended to the manager that we not hire the guy. manager asked why, he simply said oh so arrogantly, 

"malamya. nakita mo ba tingin sakin, sir? parang lalamunin ako. yuck." and so, stupid branch manager agreed and voiced out more bigoted filth and did not hire the poor applicant. 

just like that, my attraction to him dissipateD. i felt so bad for the kapatid applicant. sayang, cute pa naman. ha! the sad lesson in all this is, it's not what you know but who you know...and what you look like...and what's your preference that moves you forward in the corporate world..

saD. very, very sad.

--

flash forward to 1 year later, i ended my contract with that companY. i felt stifled. i wanted to be me, but i can't be me. and to be more in this company, the more i have to be not me. do you sometimes feel like that? hopefully not. if yes, the i feel you, brother.

that's when the beckon of the call center industry lulled mE. the so called mecca for diversity. it was too tempting to pass up. a change of environment surely wouldn't hurt. i won't go into the sordid details for now (in a future entry perhaps). but the gist of it is i started from the bottom and worked my way up through the ranks.

let's just say that it's liberating to be comfortable in your own skiN. even more so when you have a position and you have the respect of your people - not because you asked for it, but because you earned it through your hard work. the rest about me doesn't matter.

--

i got scared when the call center chapter of my life was coming to an enD. i was on the verge of moving back into the corporate world. surprise, surprise! im back working for a multinational financial institution (one who believes in what matters to us, matters most). my initial fear was brushed away when i learned that the culture in this company is what we make of it (read: you are what you are and we embrace it). in fact, it's part of the code of conduct to respect diversity. walls are rare, if existent at all. we were all able to foster a community of people who try to see past the preference. 

looking back on my past, i can't help but laugh a little at the tremendous effort i go through everyday just to fit iN. nowadays i just do it for kicks. like this one time i got to handle a group of people. it was only for a short time so i said to myself, try doing the old you. see what happens. 

it's both awkward and flattering at the same time when the girls show interesT. i also get a kick when initially i do not register on PLU radar. but eventually i let them in. it's no secret, of course. i wouldn't have it any other way.

--

if you knew then what you know now, what would you dO?

if this new me got a chance to talk to young, impressionable me, i would have told myself to lighten up a biT. sure, some parts of the world we move in frown on what is different, what is aberrant or simply put: what is not the norm. but that shouldn't give you the credence that you should whittle off your extra corners to fit into the pegs. rather, make the hole fit you. it may take them a while to get used to you but they'll get there. it won't happen unless you start it.

the hive...fuck it.

 --

happy weekends everyonE!

Jackman and Rain Head

the following write up is a result of putting too much caffeine in my body. no, not coffee. but iced tea. did you know it contains caffeine? no? try guzzling 3 liters worth. then get back to me.

--

i met someone neW. a professor. let's just call him professor jackman. moreno, buff in all the right places and tall enough for me, level headed and at the point in his life where he is already really stable. no, he's not a geriatric. he's actually just a year my senior.

i met him while i was on my way to the officE. surprisingly, he works in the building just beside ours. we bumped into each other as i was on my way to our lobby. he was walking hurriedly from the car park just adjacent our building. like those cheesy rom-com, boy meets boy. boy smiles, other boy smiles back. smiles that meant business. boy gets boy's number. boy meets up after work for a date. can you spell serendipity?

as i got to know him, i saw some facets that i find really attractivE. sure, he may not be brad pitt or orlando bloom, but i like my men a little off-center. you know, adorable, but not centerfold gorgeous. i don't go chasing after pretty boys. most that i've met thought that the sun and all the planets orbit around their little heads. the kind of boys i like are those who have really good angles and some not so good ones. that just spells character for me. i find that really seductive. beauty is overrated - it gets stale after a while.

it was a whirlwind acquaintancE. we had a good thing going. he'd drop by my office. we'd eat out. he'd drive me home. we'd talk over the phone for hours on end. you know, the whole shebang.

2 weeks ago he just disappeared into thin aiR. no hoo-has. no nothing. i'm not the type who goes into a stupor after the end of ephemeral affairs. i just think, oh well. fuck that. next, please! too little time to waste on petty sadness.

i got a text just last night from professor jackman. it was uncharacteristic of him to text me while i'm at work so i got really curious. he said he was parked in front of my building and that he needs to talk to me. i wanted to say i'm busy (which i really was) but i said, what the heck. at least i can sucker punch him in person if needed be, right? he said he wanted to explain. oh boy. here we go again.

so anyway, he saw me as i was approaching his caR. get in, he said. and i did. he smelled really good. and can't help but notice his biceps. i'm a bicep person. gets me salivating. anyway, i wanted to keep a poker face and was really curious as to what he was about to say.

'i wanted to set things straight. i want you.' (ok, what's the but..)

'it's just that i have a boyfriend of 3 years. and he's coming home in a week's time. i didn't know what to do because i've fallen for you.' (wow! i haven't heard that one yet! wow! you get a cookie for best original screenplay!)

'i'm not happy with him anymore.' (yeah, looks like it)

'i want us to be together. so if you can wait for me, i will end it with him.' (wow, do i get a cookie now?)

first off, i'm done playing the home wrecker's part. it was fun the first few times, but at this point in my life, i've learned that karma is nobody's bitch.

..........

i wanted to end this entry with a holier-than-thou, self-righteous piece. but i won't. because i'm not. and because i'm but human.

we ended up fogging up the windows of his car.

--

it was fucking awesome.

--

and man, jackman is hung! you know the type you only see in porn? good thing he's a bottom. otherwise, we'd get nowhere.

--

speaking of nowhere, i know that's where this thing is headed. i just know it. but might as well have fun while we're getting lost.

--

in other news, i just had my first head ache of the year. let me just say this, i only get headaches when it's about to rain. my head's like a freaky barometer. seriously. i am very sensitive to shifts in atmospheric pressure. when it's about to rain, the humidity rises and the pressure fluctuates - or something to that effect. i don't know what i just said, but it's a true story.

it's gonna rain tomorrow. quote me on that.

Movie Marathon 3

haven't done this for a while, i have a backlog of movies i've seen over the past few monthS. i just love watching movies from overseas. the crap we get here in the guise of  "indie films" are already getting on my nerves. when can local directors/producers move past the poverty porn type of "film making"? oh well. in the meantime, there's torrent. ha!

Beautiful Thing (1996)

Author: (colin-308)
Heart-wrenching performances, a witty and sensitive (but never sappy) script, and characters so real they could walk off the screen: these aren't usually things to be found in gay-themed movies, but Beautiful Thing has all of them and more. Where Brokeback Mountain left me devastated and believing happiness couldn't ever last (I will never watch it again), and Latter Days is a prime example of style over substance, Beautiful Thing makes me feel like love is out there and it's really worth fighting for. It has stayed with me vividly and powerfully since I first saw it, and I continue to watch parts of it often.

I don't know if Glen Berry or Scott Neal could have realized what an impact this film would have on some viewers, but I wish I could thank them for bringing such humanity, realism, and likability to the roles of Jamie and Ste. Linda Henry, too, in the brilliant role of Sandra, gives a performance worthy of an Oscar, and Sandra's boyfriend Tony (played perfectly by Ben Daniels) is hilarious and surprisingly endearing. The script is not self-conscious or saccharine; it is uplifting without being preachy, and tender without being grating. If you're gay or just a human being with empathy and understanding (and a good sense of humor -- the script is terribly clever and the film really benefits from multiple viewings), Beautiful Thing is an experience you should not miss. It's a film I will cherish forever, enhanced by the music of Mama Cass Elliot (who was truly gifted and whose death was a great loss).

Favorite scenes (though almost every scene is really a favorite): the "Make Your Own Kind of Music" chase in the woods (I may love this scene more than anything else ever), the bedroom scenes with Jamie and Ste, and the final sequence, (featuring Mama Cass's beautiful "Dream a Little Dream of Me") which I will not spoil -- I envy the first-time viewer, who is in for a huge treat. I like to think that Jamie and Ste live on forever in the final shot, the future uncertain but the present a greater joy than they had ever known, their love a small but bright glimmer of hope in an otherwise gray world.

personally, i give it a 7.6 out of 10. just took it down by .2 of point because of the hideous 90's fashion. haha. but overall, i recommend it for the hollywood ending. finally, nobody dies in the end! take that, asian gay movies!

Let The Choir Sing!

i must be the only gay person i know who is not a Madonna fan. but i gotta say, Glee made her relevant yet again. this show had a slow start especially from the first to the 3rd episode, however from the time somebody got knocked up, it got quirky and interesting. it grew on me. i'm now hooked.

Advent aka, Gleek #20291278

Movie Marathon 2

Keillers Park tells the story of a man who blossomed late in life. the allure of a pretty young boy toy swept him off his senses. how much are you willing to sacrifice is the movie's tagline. in the protagonist's case, everything.

there were some good points and some really cliche-ic ones about the moviE. we've seen it all before. a 30-something repressed man on the doorstep of marriage, suddenly getting conflicting emotions about who he really is.

good points: i like how the movie featured two men who are borderline attractivE. by that i mean they are not celluloid-ready drop dead gorgeous demigods who you will never see in real life. they are accessible-attractive: these are the guys you would see in your office, or in the bar or pretty much everywhere else and would make you go: hmm...pwede.

i like movies that respect your intellecT. shots that show non-speaking parts that tell a whole gamut of emotions. this movie runs plenty of such moments.

Peter, the main character is a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth. he was at the threshold of inheriting his father's architecture firm. he was about to get married to a homely lady. their lives were mapped out in front of them. that is until one faithful encounter.

Nassim is a frivolous, flambouyant free spirit. you know those "artist" types (read: beautiful, creative, and poor). he dances to beat of his own drums. he sets Peter's gray world on fire.

cliche: peter gives up everything for Nassim. he gets disowned. he hurts the soon-to-be blushing bride and possibly scars her psychologically for life after the way he admits what he really is. his perfect life, gone in a flash all because he yearned for Nassim. he was overtaken by a primal love.

eventually Nassim becomes over the top obnoxious and out of control. and for those who dig these kind of things: there's a lengthy frontal nudity. (warning though: of the flaccid kind). soon, the once "perfect couple" existence gave way to "familiarity breeds contempt".

what is not a cliche though is how the actors reacted to the sadness that wrought their lives. there were no crying-in-the-shower scene with matching sliding downwards to a seating/fetal position. how they cried, how they said their lines, how they fucked and climaxed (5 minutes sex, tops) are all based on real life. Nassim can somehow be a celluloid metaphor for all of those exes we've had that left us after we grew "predictable" for their "tastes". burn them! burn them all! (hehe)

cliche: there is no happy ending. just see it for yourself. they just had to do it.

i'd give it a 6.5 out of 10. i'll add a .50 more for the understated yet really compelling acting from some of the support cast.

--

lazy Saturday at home.

--

my mom's been discharged from the hospital. i am so relieved. she's doing well with the recuperation.

Can You Tell?

everybody's been talking about religion all day. to break the monotony: maiba naman.
i have a 99.9% accuracy in telling if someone is 'one of us'. but did you know that aside from that instinct, physiology also plays a role?

myth:
"pare, I can totally tell he's gay! gay fingers!"

reality:
suprisingly, there's some grain of truth in this. it's called digit ratio theory and multiple studies have confirmed it.

according to the theory, if you have a longer ring finger, it means you got more testosterone as a fetus and are more likely to be hyperactive, aggressive and be as straight as a ruler.

a longer index finger, on the other hand, means more estrogen, making you more neurotic and sensitive. so if your index finger is way longer than your ring finger, you're like the pinkest fairy ever, right? wrong.

actually, it's more of a combination. the more equal your ring and index fingers are, the higher your probability of coming out (pun intended) gay.

interesting, huh? how were you reading this post until you checked your fingers?

for a more in depth discussion (if your into that kinda thing):
http://www.human-nature.com/nibbs/02/manning.html

--

this got me looking at photographs of celebrities. specifically their hands. pretty interesting what you'd see.

(for some bumfuck reason picassa displays really grainy pictures. but if i use other sites, it gets blocked in the office. as a work around, i've linked my flickr to the pic. click for higher res. ha take that picassa!)

Hmm....

Smoke and Mirrors

"Ricky Martin: I'm a fortunate homosexual man."

don't tell me you didn't see that cominG. what, having 2 kids through artificial insemination and surrogacy didn't tip you off?

i knew it the first time he shook his bon boN.

i just find it surprising how most of my girl friends and some straight male friends were in a state of collective shock/disbelief because of this "revelatioN".

to me, it's like Eric Quizon, Piolo Pascual, Uma Khuni (sp?), Paolo Ballesteros, Eric Santos, and a whole slew of other "manly men", holding a press conference on national TV admitting that they are all rainbow colored goddesseS. Hindi nga??! /sarcasm

i remember coming out to my moM. it wasn't as theatrical as i imagined it would bE. it was just me uttering those two words every straight laced parent dread to hear. i've come up with scenarios in my head as to what level of hysteria my mom would be in. i even went as far as planning the blocking. where i would stand mattered, if a projectile came my way, i have room to maneouver.

but all she said was, "i know" and the look in her eyes told me that everything's going to be alrighT. and after that, it was easy.

in hindsight, i didn't really come out to my daD. he just got it from my ever lovable telegraph of a mom. he gave me the silent treatment for a month but he warmed up soon after.

what was surprisingly difficult was inadvertently coming out to my relativeS. i didn't really plan on doing so, but our chismosa household help (who's no longer with us, thank god!), slipped up. spilling the beans to one of my chismosa titas in the process. it's true what they say: walls have ears. mukha kasi syang dingding!

what made it awkward was the fact that most of relatives think i am just in a "phase". they never cease with the "when are you going to get married?", and the "let me hook you up with mare/pare's daughter".

my pet peeve? patronizing me with "sayang ka".

i guess what it taught me was that people who care about you a lot can look past the reflecting pool; those who care less are scandalized by what they see and it serves as fodder for their incessant need for something or someone to judge.

--

no matter how late he did it, i commend Ricky for embracing his truth. in a world of bigots and intolerant fools, all we have is our truth. what we do with it is up to us. let them give me hell, it doesn't matter. i just keep my head held high. in that, i win.

Project: Body

get a female trainer. = good

getting a trainer who's an Alagad* . = even better!

words of wisdom from my friend, MV.

im laying out my plans to once again sign up for a gym membershiP. i have been thinking about it. getting a male trainer would only make me distracted. i've done it before and it was a complete and utter failure. the gym going, that is. as for the instructor, he was an animal in bed. 'twas good while it lasted. ;)

but that was over 5 years agO. to dodge temptation, i'm resolved in doing it differently this timE. day 1 for MV and operation alagad is already doing wonders for him. there were no inhibitions, no uneasy moments, no awkward actions, no facades...

most importantlY: no sex thoughts! (shudders. see *)

the things are set in motioN. my goal: beach worthy body by summer next year.

*Alagad ni Aiza a.k.a. Lulus, lesbianesians, leslies...

Walls