Public Servant

for the first time, Mr. President, i felt inspired by you. contrary to naysayers (funny how now i am inching into the side of yellow), i admire your little touches of wrath in the speech. i earnestly pray though that this vengeance will be served swiftly and boldly. that is what this country has been needing. like Rizal's filibustero, i see a man who's on the side of good and yet bears a flaming hand. caution though: temper your wrath with justice!


and i really appreciate the fact that you acknowledged the people as your "boss". yes, it may be rhetorical, but no one has actually done that before. erap, maybe put it in words, but he's an actor and his speech was his script. everybody else saw the seat as a throne to lord over us mortals. that was mighty classy of you. not original, but classy.


keep this momentum going, sir.


i'm now a convert.

--

inauguration or concert? i was beginning to think the latter.

next time, Noy handlers, try to cut the crappy "OPMs". most notably, (no offense to fans) the APO. did age take away the creative juices? what the hell was that disaster? then came Ogie's regurgitated mess. Christian Bautista's You Raise Me Up was totally unnecessary. and then there's the cheesy group song led by no less than the master of cheesy oversinging, Gary V.

the only gem within the pile of garbage was Noel Cabangon. now THAT is a musician. able to blend mesmerizing harmony with haunting lyricism. and the passion in his voice. so guttural and raw. it was really coming from the heart and mind. it's music in action. i've been secretely admiring him eversince but for that performance, i am forever a fan. too bad, the people didn't get him.

--

overall, i would say that the inauguration was 100% pinoy.

--

there's hope for this country yet.

--

edit: as Somelostboy and Muggen commented, it's just 90% pinoy. why? there were no dance numbers! if there were dance numbers, then i would have changed my second verse to:


inauguration or Pilipinas Got Talent? i was beginning to think it was the latter...


LOL.

Mad Strings 5: Monday Somnambulist

the walls are staring at me. and i think i left my soul slumbering in bed. my mind is wandering off into daydreams. next thing i know, there's a sunflower on the carpeted floor in front of me, another flower with guns for pistils shooting at me. and here i am, dodging the pellets. 

my phone is ringing but when i pick it up, it's a red gummi bear. the bear whispers in my ears. i'm ticklish, you know. stop it! i know somebody is talking to me but i just hear the waves in the ocean.

i look up the definition of wonrotpsm. i think i read it somewhere. on the wall. or something.

have i told you my most favorite character in The Sandman is Delirium? She was formerly called Delight. until that thing happened. colored fishes in bubbles! Morpheus is next. he named his son after me. or something.

i take one more hit. more colored bubbles! and in the shape of boys! something popped them, one by one. oh wait, those are my fingers.

the tea party started 14.321 minutes ago. i can't find my bowler hat. i'll be late. hold the elevator for me, please.

who is the sandman? by gaimanms

When Pigs Fly and Fish Blue

it's been a crazy weeK. seriously. i'm glad to say i'm getting the groove of my new mantle. which is a good thing, of course. i think i've finally etched myself a niche in this humongous organization. and i plan on becoming more. just you wait, world!

--

i'm pumped with enthusiasm about what lies aheaD.

--

i'm suddenly getting a lot of people noticing me in a not so good waY. they've been calling out my sudden drop in weight. i know i've been busy lately. and i know i'm pouring my heart out for my endeavors, but i think it's taking a toll on my physical wellbeing.

as a remedy i've been gorging on food so much, you'd think i'm feeding an army in my stomacH. i've been known for my legendary appetite. and people are taken by surprise by how much i eat even though i stay skinny.

for all of my life, i've lived skinny. i'm 5'7 and weigh 130 lbs. the highest i've gone is 145lbs. ok maybe i'm not that skinny. but borderline skinny and not skinny. how's that? hehe. how i wish i had one of those physiques that do not even need to exert an effort to build up muscles. i read somewhere that my body type is called an ectomorph. it's one of those WTF terms that sounds something out of Power Rangers. it's the type that remains as skinny as it is even though you eat like nobody's business. my opposite is the endomorph. those are the type that just looking at food makes theme obese. true story!

but all is not lost. i read that i still have the chance to get buffed uP. of course, there's the gym as an alternative. however, i don't see myself as a gym going type. the reason is i prefer to keep my privacy when i work out. catch-22 is, the only way you'd be able to drag me into the gym is i have a bod worth showing off, but to get that...

oh well. i'm not too keen on doing something about it as of yeT. but i think i should have something planned for next year.

--

speaking of pigging out, i organize a brunch for my team just yesterdaY. since we have always frequented either the Fort or Makati, i decided we have to try something different. somewhere far, but not insanely far. i thought Eastwood sounded like a good prospect. so off we go.

i planned the brunch to a tee. well, except the venue. i prefer to keep some part of the plan spontaneous. i like having something out of the blue.

after wandering about selecting, we decided to eat at BluFish/The Flying Pig. the concept is, they are actually 2 separate restaurants but you could pick items from the menu of both. cool, huh?

since it was charged to the corp card, the sky's the limiT. and boy did i get a lot. try a whole slab of steak, manahattan chowder, and pretty much what everybody got (i did samplings. hehe). i highly recommend the paella royale and the sea bass smothered in blue cheese and top with german frankfurters and mushrooms. ah. to die for.

--

after the meal, we went to Red Mango for the fro-yos. i don't really see the fascination for the yogurt but damn! i love the them almond mochis.

--

we walked around the malL. did some embarassing photo ops ala yayas on a day off. complete with pictures by the fountain. well, it's a rare occasion to have a hundred percent attendance from the team so we did not let it pass. and hey, i bet those pretentious snots are dying to take their own pictures as well. so fuck them. haha.

--

then came parting time.

--

i had to stop by Johnny Rockets just to see what the fuss is about. the milkshakes are phenomenal. definitely a must try.

advent and team @ the flying pig/blufish

--

i'm spending the whole day today just lounging at homE. firing up my xbox 360 for a couple of rounds...catching up on my books.... playing with my shitzu, Sophia...hay, sarap.

--

life is good.

His Day

i never knew my dad.

what an ironic statement to say because he's just a few inches away from me, sitting on his favorite spot, reading his newspaper while i'm eating my lunch. he's just there. he's more of a caricature in the house. perfunctorily going about the affairs of the household until it's time for him to leave for his second home (read: other family).

how can you know someone all your life and still not really know him? it's just one of those realities in life.

so lets see. what do i know of him? i know he works hard to keep both families living comfortably. i know he is a penny pincher. i know he is an Erap fanatic.

as for emotions you would come to expect from a father? i've seen him laugh, but not heartily. i've seen him mad, when i was younger, i was always at the receiving end. i've seen him happy, but not really.

have you ever seen your father cry? i know. it's an odd thing to imagine. but i look for it. why? i believe that there would only be two kinds of people you would truly, sincerely, and honestly let your tear drops fall for them to see. the ones who you loved so much and the ones you hated so much.

i've never seen him cry. so what am i to him? wallowing in the fringes, i guess.

--

what's your earliest recollection of your father? i remember, i was 5 years old and i wanted to see this cartoon on TV. i can't because he was there hogging it up, too engrossed with basketball. i begged and i pleaded for him to let me watch my favorite show, all he uttered to my mom was:

"kunin mo nga tong anak mo!" .

it has always been like that. he always refer to us siblings as "my mom's children". never have i heard him say "anak natin". why am i being all emo about semantics? i don't know. maybe it seems trivial, but i would have really loved hearing him say that i was his kid. but that never came from his lips.

--

when i was 7, i had a juvenile urge to play with toy guns. i imagined myself being a space marine or a space cop. my mom gave me this (then) cool looking space gun that lights up and makes all those (then) fancy sound. imagine me a kid, beaming with consummate joy. i was so excited to go brag about it to my (then) kid posse. except that i kinda busted the part where you put in the battery. you see, it had wires. for the life of me (then), i didn't know what they were for, so i pulled them out. my dad saw me do this. he went on a fit of rage. he was so mad, he grabbed the toy gun and threw it against the wall thereby smashing it to bits. you know how in the movies, things slow down for a dramatic effect? i saw my gun hit the wall, shatter into a million pieces and sputter out just like that. i've never cried harder in my young life.

--

fast forward a few years later when i was in middle school. it was then that i was becoming "confused" with my sexual orientation. i do not believe that not having a father figure would make you turn out gay. it's really a whole lot of things. but having a father figure would surely have made me more secure about who i am. and putting me in an all boys school? wrong move, dad. surrounding your neglected kid with other boys wouldn't be an ample substitute for your presence. it would only lead him to seek affection and gravitate towards these boys who you thought are supposed to make him "beef up".

--

we had a happy family life once, despite the things happening with me at school. as a family, we had the weekends to go out. we saw movies together. we played together. we ate out. bottom line is we spent every free time we had as a family. those were the golden years of my family.

that was until that whore came into my father's life. to cut the long story short, she came, she seduced, she got pregnant and she demanded support. they are now on their 2nd kid.

you know, it's pretty fucked up why men would often use the excuse that they acted only on instinct. "i'm just being a man". if being a man meant you would throw away your vow to love and cherish the one you married and her kids, then fuck being a real man!

--

i need to simmer down a bit.
......

--

if it sounds like i have lingering resentment in my heart for all the shitty things in my family life because of my dad... it's because i still do. but we've gone past the drama stage. we're past the things you see in telenovelas. we're now at the stage where we live with what we've got. and by that i mean trying to make the most out of the things we have.

well for one, he didn't leave us.

he's here, albeit, shuffling his time between our house and that den of iniquity they call a home. nowadays, we only get him Saturdays and Sundays (how the tables have turned).

second, he's trying to make up for the transgressions. he is trying to reach out to me, now that i'm an adult. i guess, he is trying to make me understand the impossible.

but the glass already has its cracks. things can never go back. and to make a facsimile of what was then true is just not for me.

--

i guess the point of this entry is to express in minute details how i feel about the man. despite my unquenchable hatred, this is matched by my undeniable love for the man i call my father.

you could never truly hate your parent. i guess that's what love truly means. and i'm all for giving the guy a break. he tries. oh yeah, he tries. and so i should too. i'd rather have a messy, dysfunctional relationship with him than none at all.

--

epilogue:
i've often wondered if i would make a good father someday. don't get me wrong. i still am allergic to seafood, if you catch my drift. but i dream of having a son. adoption is definitely out of the question. i am 100% sure i would want him to be from my loins.

i believe- no scratch that- i know that i would be a good father someday. so happy father's day to myself if ever it comes into fruition.


P.S.
dad, i love you, you scumbag. 

Mad Strings 5: On Winning

rather than loathe them, be grateful of the people who sow envy and malice on the grounds of your success. the most breathtaking gardens in the world can not survive without the snails and earthworms. who would be better to eat your dust? they would soon learn that they are on a fools errand. without the hate, you can never feel the love. be gracious. smile.

~this inspired by you, ms. Botticelli. may you find your peace. i could never please everybody. i don't aspire to.

--

ok, for the second time around, ladies and gentlewomen, my 49th posT. after this, i'll let loose. i want to keep my posts constantly coming. but i want to balance quality with quantity. i don't want this to be twitter. 

--

to all, happy father's day!

I'm Lovin' It!

this made me grin from ear to eaR.

magawa nga sa drive thru to. hehe

--

is it rude to stare at someone's crotcH? i found myself doing just that in one of my meetings yesterday. we have this expat coach who's drop dead gorgeous. and he was wearing this deliciously ill-fitting slacks. so i was listening in to the presenter (or was trying to...at the very least) when i found myself in my catatonic sessions.

i was remember this article on Qweerty.com bout growers and showers. oh and if you're not familiar with those terms, here for growers and here (definition #6, it's "show"-er; not where you take a bath). can't help but think he's definitely a shower.

--

just for kicks, are you a grower or a shower?

--

have a good hump day (Wednesday), everyonE! let's all collectively think that there's just 2 days left in the work week.

Splurge Silly

long entries turn off readerS. oh well. this is not a long entry. true story!

--

i should have stayed at homE. i had to go on one of my unplanned shopping splurges. poor bank account. hehe.

--

my baby is sick. :(

i was planning on just staying home, but my sexy black baby conked ouT. i panicked of course. but when i came to, i diagnosed (i know a thing or two). it turns out, it's not really the whole laptop, the battery just gave out all of a sudden. arg! and i was finishing up an entry. so i had to go to rush her to the laptop hospital (ie, Complink Megamall) to have it serviced. this machine is only 8 mos old! she can't be sick yet!

the Acer Timeline (specifically 4810t) is one utterly sexy beast. it comes with a humongous hard drive (well, at least to me), a dvd burner, high def 720p webcam, keyboard that makes other laptops weep with envy, and it's SO slim! when closed, i can't believe it's less than an inch! you could lift it with one hand and not even exert an effort. the one feature though that got me sold on getting it would be it goes up to 8 hours. read that again, 8. freakin. hours! that's like watching the Lord of The Rings (extended version), 1 to 3!

does having such a long-life battery have something to do with my lappy baby's mysterious "illness"? i hope not. and it shouldn't because i take good care of my stuff! my friend's laptop is now on its 3rd year. his battery  lasts a measly 2 hours when fully charged. but still, his hasn't encountered any problem since purchase.

i've been a very good lover/owneR. i've never abused my baby. the longest it has been on would be 5 hours. but that's normal right? i've heard of addicts keeping their lappys on for 24 hours and their batteries are still standing.

so my deduction is the battery they gave me is an old farT.

when i got to the service center kuya said the same thing (cookie for honestY!). my baby turns on when plugged in to a wall socket. everything is running fine. no virus (viruses, virii? whatever), no crashes, no glitches. so there. i had to have to use the warranty to have the battery sent back to Acer for replacement. kuya was all accommodating and all, he then asked me for the receipt...

....

which i kinda lost so many months agO. good thing they had an archive of receipts.

--

after having my baby's check up, i roamed the mall. Megamall is so much different from the Megamall of my youth. first and most glaring would be: the skating rink is no more! what a sad, sad fate for skaters. there was a time i dreamt of becoming a hockey player...yeah right, of course a figure skater! why? that's so manly diba? diba? just look at pre-showbiz Sam Milby. oh wait...

anyway, the mall had had a make oveR. although it's superficial, at least the mall doesn't have that "tired" look anymore. i checked out the new wing. it wasn't as big as some people think it is, but it's nice.

brasato il manzo di vino rossi and mozzarella fritte

i had a date with myself at Amici (can't believe that the restaurant just outside of my highschool is now an honest to goodness franchise).

after a scrumptious meal, it wouldn't be Amici if you didn't get a gelato.

with more italian sounding names than you can count!

sarap.

--

speaking of which, there were a lot of eye candy roaming abouT.

--

shopping is therapeutiC. my wardrobe is officially replenished. loving yourself sure goes a long way.

--

Memo has always been my boutique of choice for my office attire. it's moderately priced and the quality is comparable to my Van Heusens, Arrows, Onesimuses, etc. (sometimes i even wonder why i patronize said brands). the Memo Megamall branch has a hottie in their sales stewards (i just coined it. nice ring to it, no?).

--

the department store is having a fire salE. items have been slashed down by as much as 60%. i decided it wouldn't hurt to diversify my wardrobe, right? the department store had that makeover as well, it seems so fancy now. and i can't believe the bargain i got. super cheap, good quality long sleeved shirts at 800 pesos each! amazing! i should do this more. hehe.

--

downside is they have a dressing room where you come en massE. lining up? come on! anyway, when you're in rome...right? so i patiently waited in line. i have this odd tendency of tuning out from all the outside commotion. i just stare into blank space. wala lang. you know, when you're fully aware of your surroundings but you're not there? something like that.

embarrassing moment turned flirting mode: turns out, when i snapped out, i was staring at this hunky guy fitting his shirts and deciding what to geT. i think i know why i was unconsciously staring: he had biceps that could feed an army. well, hyperbole much? but still you get the point. that's my weakness. biceps. i just find it so...appealing.

he gave me a smilE. not just any smile, but that smile. so gave him one back. the old me would have said something along the lines of "get the beige one, looks good on you." but i was so surprised i didn't even say a thing. he even followed me after i had my turn at the fitting room. but then all i was thinking is i just wanna get home. my gawd, what has happened to me?

i'm getting rusty.

--

time for another sharpening. look out world!

..or maybe not. let's see.

Three Six Oh

the week had been quite eventful for me. life is what happens when you've made plans...for blogging. in short, life is the blog killer. ha.

--

i've been avoiding the call of the "wild" lately. i've been shunning invites to go out. i feel that it's about time i reevaluate myself and think of what i really need. going out brings out the unbridled, the crazy, and the defiant old me. should i think about settling down?

yaiks. wag muna.

--

there's no spectacle more similar to the circus than the office rumor mill. admit it. it's the forbidden spice. it's the splash of color that replaces what office politics drain away. can't live with it, can't live without it.

anyway, the latest bombshell in the office would be one of the managers having a leaked nude photo. one that leaves so much less to the imagination. apparently it was posted on Pinoy Exchange by a fuming ex of his who felt betrayed. said manager has the penchant for chasing anything wearing a skirt. the picture showed him nekkid (all the way, haha!) with the full moon beaming.

i've been bumping into him everyday. good thing we don't really have much to talk about. otherwise i imagine something along the lines of "so, how's you pwet, i mean, team?"

--

song best describes what i'm into lately: Feelin' Good.

--

it's so uplifting to hear a compliment on how you look just at that exact moment at the end of your day where you feel like you got run over by a truck and the only thing keeping your eyelids open is that deadline you have to meet the next day.

and to top it, it came from an office beauty. i didn't see that coming. but hey thanks, miss (name withheld).!

--

i LOVE Pancake House. the chicken, the roast beef, the waffles, the pancakes (duh), the salad...

especially now that they have a new line of pastas. the one to die for would be the one with the fancy shcmancy name i forgot but it's with tomato sauce and shiitake mushrooms.

--

have i told you i love shiitake mushrooms? drenched in vinaigrette, oooooh. orgasmic.

--

i've been spending so much time with my new baby. her name? Xbox. last name: 360. nonstop! videogames nowadays have evolved to such mindblowingly realism, it's now a multi billion industry rivaling the movies.

yep i'm a nerd. a nerd who can whip your ass from here til sunday on any game you choose.

--

have an orgasmic weekend!

I Can See Right Through You

i have never been simplE. i've always been a hexagonal stick in a hive of square holes. there are more facets to me that you can not just peg. 

have you ever felt instances in your professional life where you see the top but something intangible prevents you from moving further uP? to some, this is called the glass ceiling. the truth is it does not apply only for women. it applies to people of the rainbow flag. people like me or (maybe) you.

thank god that in this company i am now working for, diversity is like the air we breathE. this post is more of an ode to that sad reality for most of my brethren -working for corporations where they are forced to keep their inner selves from coming out in the open. i've been there. by some sheer stroke of luck and an ounce of perseverence i did not stay long. i can not begin to imagine how difficult it is for them who remain. i can't help but contrast how good i got it where i work. i am grateful to be able to thrive in the corporate world, keep my truth, and still be respected for it.

look! birdies!

--

in my first foray into this strange world called work, i started with a multinational financial institutioN. 'the world's local bank' is their slogan. i worked in the Madrigal branch (read: Ayala, Alabang). the first day i stepped into the premises, i thought to myself, i'm fucked. of all the branches i would be assigned in, i got assigned to one with a workforce of 90% straight burly males! from the manager, to the teller/cashiers, to new accounts and of course to the -ers (manong janit-ers, deliv-er-y boys, secu-er-ity guards). we had 3 girls who were assigned to the premier accounts so we don't really get to interact with them as much.

if i'm not with friends, i can camouflage well enough to waylay the unsuspecting crowD. note that i don't have illusions that i may not be obvious, i just know myself well enough. i am not blatant when i'm not comfortable with the people around me. i'm just plain bored so i don't express myself as much. i blend in. i wash out. and that they mistake for being, ahem, straight. 

lunch breaks (or any other break) are really awkwarD. all they talk about are girls, basketball, getting more girls, girls in porn, knocking up a girl, video games and cars. i can relate with the last 2 because i've always been a videogame fanatic and cars are my fascination. but the rest, oh dear lord. 

they keep asking me to bring my "girlfriend" over sometime to get to know heR. i told them i don't have a girlfriend. which no one believes, all thanks to my classmate/then-best friend (who happened to look like a pin up model), dropped by the branch one time to pick me up to hang out in Alabang Town Center. like salivating dogs teased with the prospect of a juicy steak, they never got over it. as much as i didn't know what to do about it, i decided to just go along with the flow. that was way before i learned what the gay term "beard" meant.

as the days pass by, i found the groove in keeping up the facadE. it become a routine for me. that was the point in my life when i thought, 'hey, i could do this.'

but alas, life has a sense of humoR. it would have been easy if you are swimming in a sea of average looking men. what made it difficult was i had a really attractive colleague. i still remember his name. bernard. just the name sends me into that kilig moment. ha! he's tisoy (my type of guy), 5'10, beefy with that devil may care smile that can drop panties at will (at least what the girls say). oh did i mention, he smells so good? not that i smell him when he has his back turned to me. i'm macho too, remember? true story!

he was promoted to assistant manager not because of his credentials or capability (haha, bitter much?) but because he looks so good in a monkey suit, the haughty clients always ask for hiM.

there was this one instance though where i got turned off big timE. it was when the discussion revolved around a teller applicant. he recommended to the manager that we not hire the guy. manager asked why, he simply said oh so arrogantly, 

"malamya. nakita mo ba tingin sakin, sir? parang lalamunin ako. yuck." and so, stupid branch manager agreed and voiced out more bigoted filth and did not hire the poor applicant. 

just like that, my attraction to him dissipateD. i felt so bad for the kapatid applicant. sayang, cute pa naman. ha! the sad lesson in all this is, it's not what you know but who you know...and what you look like...and what's your preference that moves you forward in the corporate world..

saD. very, very sad.

--

flash forward to 1 year later, i ended my contract with that companY. i felt stifled. i wanted to be me, but i can't be me. and to be more in this company, the more i have to be not me. do you sometimes feel like that? hopefully not. if yes, the i feel you, brother.

that's when the beckon of the call center industry lulled mE. the so called mecca for diversity. it was too tempting to pass up. a change of environment surely wouldn't hurt. i won't go into the sordid details for now (in a future entry perhaps). but the gist of it is i started from the bottom and worked my way up through the ranks.

let's just say that it's liberating to be comfortable in your own skiN. even more so when you have a position and you have the respect of your people - not because you asked for it, but because you earned it through your hard work. the rest about me doesn't matter.

--

i got scared when the call center chapter of my life was coming to an enD. i was on the verge of moving back into the corporate world. surprise, surprise! im back working for a multinational financial institution (one who believes in what matters to us, matters most). my initial fear was brushed away when i learned that the culture in this company is what we make of it (read: you are what you are and we embrace it). in fact, it's part of the code of conduct to respect diversity. walls are rare, if existent at all. we were all able to foster a community of people who try to see past the preference. 

looking back on my past, i can't help but laugh a little at the tremendous effort i go through everyday just to fit iN. nowadays i just do it for kicks. like this one time i got to handle a group of people. it was only for a short time so i said to myself, try doing the old you. see what happens. 

it's both awkward and flattering at the same time when the girls show interesT. i also get a kick when initially i do not register on PLU radar. but eventually i let them in. it's no secret, of course. i wouldn't have it any other way.

--

if you knew then what you know now, what would you dO?

if this new me got a chance to talk to young, impressionable me, i would have told myself to lighten up a biT. sure, some parts of the world we move in frown on what is different, what is aberrant or simply put: what is not the norm. but that shouldn't give you the credence that you should whittle off your extra corners to fit into the pegs. rather, make the hole fit you. it may take them a while to get used to you but they'll get there. it won't happen unless you start it.

the hive...fuck it.

 --

happy weekends everyonE!